It’s the final meeting in your client’s Collaborative Divorce process. You are looking around the table and see that each client and professional appears ready to proceed. You have thoroughly prepared your client to be able to reach agreement with his spouse. Alas! Within the first half hour of this final meeting you realize that both your client and the other client are tenaciously clinging to their positions! You ask yourself how this could happen?
It’s important for everyone to become Agreement Ready.
Even experienced collaborative divorce practitioners often fail to understand how all professionals on an interdisciplinary team can assist clients, even high-conflict clients, to become Agreement Ready. At CP Cal’s Celebration XIV on Sunday, on April 28, 2019, in San Diego, trainers Bart Carey, Cathleen Collinsworth and … Read More
By Ann Gold Buscho, Ph.D.
Clinical Psychologist and Collaborative Law Coach
When parents are considering separation or divorce, their biggest worry is most often about the children.
Today’s parents increasingly determine to protect their kids from the potential damage that a high-conflict divorce may cause. The best parents are willing to set aside their own anger, sadness, fear or guilt, in order to make a safe nest for their children. Fortunately, there is an alternative to the old-school “broken home.” New approaches, such as “conscious uncoupling” and collaborative divorce, give us hope for a respectful divorce while keeping the welfare of the family in focus.
Nesting Workshop at Celebration XIV
In her workshop on Sunday, April 28, 2019 at the CP Cal Celebration XIV in beautiful San Diego, clinical psychologist, Collaborative Divorce coach and former nester Ann Buscho, Ph.D. will walk you through the necessary steps to guide parents in … Read More
The Role of Myths in Assessing Readiness for Collaboration
Often the “elephant or the herd of elephants” in the room are the unspoken myths that exist regarding what the Collaborative Divorce Process is or is not. These myths lead to unrealistic expectations that, if not addressed, can eventually implode the Collaborative process. In this month’s TIPS we are going to unearth and unbundle some of those myths for you.
Myth #1: Because there is no Judge in the room to hold the client’s accountable, there is a myth that one client can take advantage of the other.
Truth: Despite not having a Judge, there are multiple professionals in the room and the primary focus of all of them is accountability. Each party has their own team, including their own attorney and coach. In addition, there is a financial neutral and, if children are involved, a neutral child specialist on the … Read More
The anger and other emotions that are usually a part of divorce make it pretty hard to be respectful—Can the Collaborative Divorce Process enable the parties to find some level of respect for each other?
There are many metaphors people use to describe going through a divorce–one is the “leaver” and the other is the “leavee;” one is the windshield and the other is the bug; one is the bat and the other is the ball. There’s a lot of high emotion that’s flowing throughout a divorce; having the coaches in place really allows clients to deal with they must deal with in a constructive and productive manner. In stark contrast is the court system, where the clients must be ready to plow through on the court’s time schedule making decisions that they may not yet be in a good emotional place to be making.
(1) First, the Collaborative Divorce … Read More
If you ask any adult how their parents’ divorce affected them as children, you’ll get a sad story, even if it has been many years.
It is difficult for children of all ages when their family changes. Occasionally, when the level of conflict has been high, the divorce can come as a relief. More often, though, divorce is experienced by children as extremely stressful, with lots of powerful emotions swirling around in a confusing way.
There are many factors which make divorce stressful for children.
- Their parents are distracted by their own pain and the difficult decisions they need to make. This means that sometimes kids aren’t getting the attention they need.
- Children always assume that when their parent is feeling strongly it’s because they screwed up in some way. So, in addition to feeling sad, often kids feel vaguely guilty.
- Hearing their parents argue is scary for children, especially
Divorce raises so many questions.
Divorce is hard, and it is one of the most painful times in anyone’s life. Fear about the future will tend to put your dreams and plans on hold. That fear though can be reduced if you take control of your divorce by learning more about your divorce options. A Divorce Options Workshop is one of the best ways to begin learning what you don’t know about divorce and to help you decide what options might work best for you.
What You Can Learn in the Divorce Options Workshop
The Divorce Options Workshop gives you details of four different ways to go about getting your divorce.
Litigation (going to court).
This is the method that most people know about for handling a divorce. One spouse files a petition with the court seeking a divorce. Both spouses have a lawyer for themselves. Your lawyer represents … Read More
You’ve successfully negotiated the final Judgment in your client’s divorce which the Court has signed. What’s next? Are you off to seek another client or is there something else you can do for this client?
For a case study, see Annie’s story below:
Right after the divorce
Annie and Lee married in 1982 and split in 2010. During the marriage they had 2 children, both of whom are now adults. During the marriage, Lee worked as an aerospace engineer for Lockheed Martin. Annie worked as head of marketing and public relations for McDonald’s. At the time of filing, the parties agreed to waive spousal support, divide the assets equally and divide the attorney’s fees. They agreed that the matter would proceed by default. A judgment and accompanying documents were prepared and signed by the parties. At the time of the default prove-up, Lee had retired and was living outside the … Read More
The Problem and the Solution
Mixed Results for Divorce Options Attendance
Divorce Options (DO) workshops were developed by the Sacramento Collaborative group in association with CP Cal about 10 years ago. The original intent was to position the Collaborative Divorce process as one of four primary divorce options- competitive with litigation, mediation and do-it-yourself divorce. DO workshop presenters have consistently commented that they feel that three hours with a seasoned attorney, mental health and financial professional for little or no cost is a real bargain. Folks should be crowding in line to attend our DO workshops. Indeed, our workshops should be packed full each month.
But DO workshop attendance for many groups in California has been less than desired. Presenter participation has dwindled over time. Some groups are considering consolidating their DO efforts or presenting quarterly instead of monthly. Some are even discontinuing their workshops entirely.
Two practice groups… Read More
In speaking with a parent contemplating divorce, I always speak with the understanding that it is most likely the parents who best understand their children and what is best for themselves and the family. I assume parents are the best people to shepherd their children through life’s toughest challenges, including divorce.
Divorce is a tough time for the whole family, parents and children – of all ages. It’s a crisis like they’ve never faced before, challenging their very identity as parents, children, family and each of their places/roles/futures in and as a family. But I also know, empowered to do so, parents will do their best to meet these challenges in consideration of the best interests of their children.
For these and many other reasons, I always assure parents I am confident, with the best advice and counsel available, they will make the best decisions … Read More
Come to CP Cal Conference XIII!
CP Cal Conference XIII, scheduled for April 27-29, 2018 in San Mateo, California, is getting closer. Please join us at the conference for a workshop on “Divorce Mortgage Financing Strategies”, presented by Divorce Mortgage Advisors.
Divorce Mortgage Advisors
Divorce Mortgage Advisors was founded under the premise that family law professionals and their clients deserve expert guidance on how to achieve mortgage related goals within the divorce settlement process. The company’s co-founders, Ross Garcia, a Certified Divorce Lending Professional, and Jason Crowley, CFA, CFP, CDFA, bring a wealth of experience in divorce finance.
Divorce Mortgage Financing Strategies Workshop
In this presentation “Divorce Mortgage Financing Strategies”, Ross Garcia and Jason Crowley will address the common questions they receive about divorcing clients and their ability (or inability) to qualify for a mortgage pre- or post-settlement.
The up-front analysis that the company offers applies to all … Read More