The Role of Myths in Assessing Readiness for Collaboration
Often the “elephant or the herd of elephants” in the room are the unspoken myths that exist regarding what the Collaborative Divorce Process is or is not. These myths lead to unrealistic expectations that, if not addressed, can eventually implode the Collaborative process. In this month’s TIPS we are going to unearth and unbundle some of those myths for you.
Myth #1: Because there is no Judge in the room to hold the client’s accountable, there is a myth that one client can take advantage of the other.
Truth: Despite not having a Judge, there are multiple professionals in the room and the primary focus of all of them is accountability. Each party has their own team, including their own attorney and coach. In addition, there is a financial neutral and, if children are involved, a neutral child specialist on the … Read More
The anger and other emotions that are usually a part of divorce make it pretty hard to be respectful—Can the Collaborative Divorce Process enable the parties to find some level of respect for each other?
There are many metaphors people use to describe going through a divorce–one is the “leaver” and the other is the “leavee;” one is the windshield and the other is the bug; one is the bat and the other is the ball. There’s a lot of high emotion that’s flowing throughout a divorce; having the coaches in place really allows clients to deal with they must deal with in a constructive and productive manner. In stark contrast is the court system, where the clients must be ready to plow through on the court’s time schedule making decisions that they may not yet be in a good emotional place to be making.
(1) First, the Collaborative Divorce … Read More
If you ask any adult how their parents’ divorce affected them as children, you’ll get a sad story, even if it has been many years.
It is difficult for children of all ages when their family changes. Occasionally, when the level of conflict has been high, the divorce can come as a relief. More often, though, divorce is experienced by children as extremely stressful, with lots of powerful emotions swirling around in a confusing way.
There are many factors which make divorce stressful for children.
- Their parents are distracted by their own pain and the difficult decisions they need to make. This means that sometimes kids aren’t getting the attention they need.
- Children always assume that when their parent is feeling strongly it’s because they screwed up in some way. So, in addition to feeling sad, often kids feel vaguely guilty.
- Hearing their parents argue is scary for children, especially
Divorce raises so many questions.
Divorce is hard, and it is one of the most painful times in anyone’s life. Fear about the future will tend to put your dreams and plans on hold. That fear though can be reduced if you take control of your divorce by learning more about your divorce options. A Divorce Options Workshop is one of the best ways to begin learning what you don’t know about divorce and to help you decide what options might work best for you.
What You Can Learn in the Divorce Options Workshop
The Divorce Options Workshop gives you details of four different ways to go about getting your divorce.
Litigation (going to court).
This is the method that most people know about for handling a divorce. One spouse files a petition with the court seeking a divorce. Both spouses have a lawyer for themselves. Your lawyer represents … Read More
By Jann Glasser, Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT), Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), Coach/Psychotherapist, and Collaborative Coach – Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County
Whether or not you’ve navigated emotional stress in your life before, you are in for a whole new experience during a divorce. Once the decision to divorce is made and the process is underway, don’t be surprised to find your heart pounding and your thoughts racing as if you were driving in the Indy 500. Fear and dread can grab you the instant you get an email, text or voicemail from your attorney, accountant or spouse.
It is all happening because you are being ruled not by your everyday brain, but by your brain on divorce; easily triggered, distraught and overwhelmed. You are reacting as if you are under attack, trying to function while stressed, sad, and sleep deprived. It’s not going so well, is … Read More
If you think divorce is rough on you (and it most certainly is a difficult experience), imagine coping with divorce when you are a child who lacks the emotional maturity and understanding to grasp what it happening and who is powerless to do anything about it.
Child specialists are an invaluable resource during your divorce. Sadly, child specialists are an unrecognized resource not used as effectively as they could be as part of the Collaborative Divorce process.
Here are four ways you can benefit from working with a trained Child Specialist during your Collaborative Divorce.
1. Your children have a “voice” in the divorce process
Experienced Collaborative professionals agree that children benefit from having their own “voice” in the process. Older children appreciate being able to express their concerns and needs. The Child Specialist is the conduit for the child’s participation in the process. These meetings offer children of any … Read More
by Myra Chack Fleischer, CFL-S
Fleischer & Ravreby, Carlsbad, California
Divorce among people over the age of 50 is no longer considered unusual; it’s here to stay. The “gray divorce” revolution has changed the landscape for divorce in the United States.
Now statistics are bearing witness to this trend. A report by researchers Susan L. Brown and I-Fen Lin at Bowling Green State University in Ohio found the following:
- The divorce rate for Americans over the age of 50 has doubled since 1990
- The divorce rate has more than doubled for Americans over the age of 65
- One out of every four divorces in the United States involves at least one person 50 or older’ nearly one in ten involves someone 65 years or older
- More than half of gray divorces are in first marriages; and more than half of these couples have been married 20 years or more
When … Read More
By Laura Wasser
Family law attorney Laura Wasser, known for representing celebrity clients in Southern California during their divorces and similar legal matters in the spotlight, endorsed Collaborative Divorce during her keynote lunch presentation at Collaborative Practice California (CP Cal) Conference 10 in Los Angeles.
Wasser is a steadfast advocate for private, respectful divorce proceedings whenever possible, and she says Collaborative Divorce makes this possible. Wasser said any revolution must begin with responsible professionals, problem solvers ready to face the challenge of changing the way both professionals and their clients approach resolution.
First and foremost, Wasser says, we need to tell clients, “Don’t let someone in a black robe who doesn’t know you and your family make decisions for you,” and instead urge them to take control of their situation. “Involving clients in the process needs to happen. They have to talk to resolve issues,” said Wasser.
Wasser said many … Read More